Harry Pottur and the Snap Onion
by BayeofAva
Summary: A romantic legend full of drama, onions, blushing and criing. Harry Potter is the new kid at Hogwarts and on his first day he makes an enemy...or is it a potential love interest? yaoi with snape/harry shrek/? Just something fun
1. Harri arrives

Harry Potter was the new kid at hogwerts. He was very nervous as he stepped off the train that he triped and felld on his face.  
'Ow.' Said Harry.  
'That hurt.' Then out of knowwhere a pale hand grabbed Harry's arm and pulld him off the floor.  
'Woah,' harry fought. 'he is really strong.' He looked into the face of the person who helped him. It was a man with long black hair and dark eyes. The man was frowning agrily. 'Watch were your going, Pottur.' Snape said angrily then he went away.  
Harry saw his friends Ron and Herpmione standing there. Herpmione had his glasses, they were fixed now.  
'Who was that man' Harry arsked them. They shrugged.  
Hermion said 'snaps, obvioosly.' And she gave him his now fixed glasses cos they got broken when he triped and snape picked him up with his strong arms. 'Thanks' Said Harry.

As they were walking, they stated talking about what house they wanted to be in. Waht house do you want to go in hermione?' Harru arsked,  
'Hmmmmm.' Said hermion.  
'I don car e Ron said.' Ron said  
'Wait why did you just say 'Ron said?' '  
'Ron said nufin' Ron said.

'Becus Ron is a mugggle.' Someone with blond hair said. It was Draco. Harry didnt like draco. Ron crid.  
Hermion got angry. 'Shut up Draco. Your just jealous.'  
Draco laughed and went away.

Harry said. 'Don't listen to him Ron. He's just jealus.' Harry said.  
Ron stopped criing. 'I know Ron said.' Ron said.  
Suddenly Harry felt someone watching him and tuned around. It was Snap. Snap blushed when he saw harru looking and quickly walked away like he had not been locking at him. Harry thought snape did not like him.  
Harru wondered what house he was in.  
'I wunder what house snap is in.' 'Thats easy it's slithering.' Herpmione said.

Then a bell rung.

'Oh no said Ron!' Ron said. 'We're going to be late to be put into the houses Ron shouted!' Ron shouted. Everyone ran into Hogwerds quickly.

Harry herpmion Ron made it just in time. They wher very out of breath and were breathing hard. Hargrid laughed. 'You made it on time! Hargrid shouted' Hargrid shooted. Hargrid always shooted cos he is very loud all the time.  
'Yay' They all said  
'Yay Ron said.' Ron said.

Then a man with a long whit bets stated talking and every1 was quit.  
'He looks like Santa' Harri thought. Every1 was quite.

'Everyone is going to be put into a house.' Santa said.  
Everyone gapsed.  
'Hermion will go fist.'

Dumbledoor put the hat on her head and the hat looked agry. 'GRYFFINDOOR'

Hermion crid happily. Every1 in gruffindoor said 'YAY.'

Then it was Draco. 'SLITHERING' Draco laughed evily.  
Ron went next. 'HUFFLEDOOR.' Ron crid happy he was in griffindor.  
'HARRY POTTER' the hat said.  
Harru was so nervus he thought he mite fell over agen like at the train stop.

'HMMMMMMMMM' the hat said agrily 'SLITHERING.'

Every1 gapsed.

Snape stood up angrooly. 'He can't be in my hoose he is a mug' snap shooted pointing his long finger at Harry. His hand was very whit and he had black nail Polish on. Ever1 gasped.

Dumblefloor was angroo. 'Ar you a muggle Harry?! Dumbledor shouted' dumbledore shouted at Harry.  
Harry was upset that snape would say that he was a muggle.

'No I'm a wizard.' Harry said nearly criing. Harry thought he might cri so much that he might dye.  
Okay.' Said dumblewindow. 'You are in slithering.' Snape was so angry that he stomed of.


	2. Harru's first Dai

The next day was Harry's first day as a wizard and he wore his gren slithering clothes which showed all his muscles. The first class was about plants.

'I AM YOUR TEACHER OGRE, SHREK, I WILL BE TEACHING YOU ABOUT MAGIC ONIONS TODAY.'

Ever1 moaned.  
'Onions are stupid.' Neville said.  
Shrek ate him.  
Draco crid.  
'Nevel was my bf' Draco crid. Shrek laughed and it smelld like onions. Harru felt bad for drako. 'ONIONS.' Shrek shooted.  
The lesoon was over.

Next leson was potions class.  
'GESS WHO?'  
'No way!' Every1 shooted!  
It was shrek agen!  
'no' Said navel  
Shrek ate him.

Harru was glad hermion and Ron were in his class. Draco wasn't cos he was at nevel's funeral.

'THOS POTION MAKES ONIONS GROW FASTER.' Shrek teacher sed. Harry was board when he was writing in his book. 'ONIONS.' Shrek sed. Harry wrote it down. Harry was so bored that he wanted to leave.  
He arsked shrek to go to the toolet.  
'YES.' Shrek sed.  
Never arsked too.  
'NO' said shrek and ate him.

Harru wondered round becus he was very bored. Then suddenly he saw black hair 'That is snape!' Harry shooted. Snap didn't her him. Suddenly snap tuned and saw Harry. Harry stood very still, locking into snapes dark eyes. 'They are beatiful' Harry thought. Snape saw Harru and blushed.

'Go to your classroom now Harry.' Snape sed agrily but still blushing. Harry was sad but tuned and stated walking away. Harry stated to cri.

'Why does snap not like me?' Harry said criing cos snap didn't like him.

Then he saw shrek teacher and he knew class was ogre. Harry was still sad about snape but then he was shocked!  
Ogre shrek was holding hand with dumblewall! They were marrid!  
'Oh my goodness!' Harru shooted!  
'I think they are sexy together Ron said' said rom. Hermion was shocked. 'Ohmygod rom do you like teacher Shrek?!'  
'Rom blushed'  
'Ohmygosh' Harry said. 'Im sorri rom, but shrek is marrid to dumbleceiling. I'm sorri.' Rom stated to cri and he ranned away.

Harry rememberd that snape did not like him and ran away criing too. Hermione was angri. 'How could you Teacher Shrek?' Shrek stated to cri and it smelled like onions. Hermonion stomed of.

Hairy was too sad to go to his class becus snape was his teacher. He lad on his bed sadly. 'I'm soo depresso petronum.'

Suddenly there was a nock on his door. 'Who is it.' Harry sed.  
'Hermonion'  
Harry opened the dor...

It was snape! harri gasped.

Snape clossed the dor behind him. Harry was nervus because snape locked angri.

'Pottur why were you not in my closs.'

'Ummm' porter sed. Snap looked at herrys muscles as he wated for an answer. They were big but not like snaps. Snape blushd but harry stated criing. Snap was shocked.

'Its becus you don t liek me!' Harru said criing tears of sadness. Snape was shocked.

'I don't hat you harry.' Snape sed softly. Harri stoped criing but still had tears on his checks. 'But why did you call me a mug?'

Snape looked at the floor shamely. 'To keep you safe.' Snape whisperd quitely.

Harry gapsed. 'From who?' He whipsered.

'Snape.' Snap crid quitly.

Harry was now shocked. Why did snap have to keep him saf?

'but Im not scarred of you.' Harru sed sofly. He put his hand on snapes wide shoulders. They were muscly.

'I love you.' Harry said. 'But I work for mouldymort! He wants me to kill you!' Snape shooted.

'I dont car e.' harri sed, tuning snaps head to him and holding his tinny hands on his pail face. 'We can stopp him. Together.'

Harry kissd snaps thin lips to proof that he lovd him. Snap moned becus Harry kised him.

Snap stoped criing. 'Ily2' he sed.

'But y are you criing?' Harru arsked.

'Becus I am a vampir so we can t be together cos than I mite kill you.'

Harru was furous. 'Wwho did this too yu?'

'Snaps sed nuffin' 'HOO DID THIS TOO YU?'

'Droca!' Snapes sed and ranned of criing. Harri gapsed.

'Draco is a vampir. How cold Draco do this' Harri ran of to find Draco and kill him.


	3. Ever1 Gasped

Porter was locking for Draco and he saw teacher shrek criing and it smelld liek onions. Porter didnt care cos shrek broke rom's hert.

Suddenly he saw Rom. He was kissing...

Dumbleshelf!

'Rom is kising dumbletoast! I fought rom liekd teacher shrek'

'I love dumbledore becus he is a wizard. Shrek is a smelly ogre said Ron kising dumbleladder's whit bird.' Ron said Shrek crid.

Draco laughed evily. Harri gapsed 'Dracu!'

Dracu ranned and harri chased him. Dracula rand into the gurls toilets and herminion scremd.

Dracu had nowhere to run 'You haf knowwhere to run, dracu.' Putter sed agrily.

Dracu laughed evily and killed moning mettle. Hermionion crid and rannd away.

'You made snap a vampir! Now I'm going to kill you!' Harri sed pointing his wand at Draco's stipid face.

'I did not make snap a vampir!' Draco shouted evily. 'Snap made me a vampir!'

Harry gapsed sadly. 'Y would snapy lie to me?'

Draco gapsed evily now. 'Snapy? Harru are you In love wit Severus?'

Harri noded.

Draco crid. Evily.

'But I love you!'

Harri was so shocked he feinted.

Then Harry waked up he was in the hogwerts hospital and snap was sittin on his bed and strocking his hair. Snap kised Harri's scar. Harry pushed snap on the floor.

'Y DID YU LIE TOO ME? Dracu sed you made him a vampir.' Harry sed agrily and sadily.

Snap stated to cri as he laid on the floor. The flur was cold but vampir snap didnt fell it cos he is a vampir.

'Becus I love yu!' Snape crid. Harry hugged snap and kised his vampir lips to stop him criing. Snap kised Harry too and they stayed on the floor kising with there mouths. Herry moned. Snop moned. Dracu crid and ranned away criing.

Suddenly it smelld liek onions and shrek came in.

'no' sed Nevel as shrek ate him.

Shrek gapsed when he saw Harry and snap cissing.

Harry and snap stood up and blushd like tomatoes becus they were so embarsed to be cot.

Shrek was agry. 'SNAP DID YOU HAVE SEX WITH PORTER?' Shrek yelled so loudly that the windows were shaking.

Snap stated criing. 'Yes!' Snap shooted to shrek. 'I love him! I don't car e if I'm a vampir teacher I love hairy pooter and I'm going to marri him!'

Ever1 gapsed. Nevel gapsed. Shrek ate him.

Harry gapsed. Snape went on one nee and pulled out a box. Snap locked in too Harris eyes deeply. They where ful of love.

'Harry porter. Will yu marri me and live with me 4ever and eva?'

'Yee' harri whipsered and he crid happily.

Ever1 clapped and sed 'Yay' even shrek. Herpmione crid happily.

Snop picked harri up in his strong arms and carrid him to his bedroom to frickle the frackle becus they were marrid.

After they were very tyred and they were nakid in bed together. Everything was happy. But then suddenly the door bust upen and standing there was...

.Draco!

Harru scremed 'Draco why ar yu doing here?!'

Draco ponted his wind at snappy evily and sed evily.

'Yo mama's nose so small even Voldemort makes fun of it!'

Snap scremd. Draco laughed evily.

Harri crid 'nooo my hisband'

Snap was ded.

Darco laughed evily and went away. Harru was depresso petronum agen. Hermione hugged harri to stop him criing. 'Lets go 2 the funeral now'  
'OK' sed Harry  
'OK Ron sed' said Rom.

They went to snaps funeral.

Hargrid was the preest. 'Hargrid I didn't know you wers a preest too rom sed' Ron sed 'Yes Hargrid shooted.' Shouted Hargrid.

The funeral was beutiful. Harry wore snaps close and even grew his herr to look liek him. Some people even fought it was snap but it was just harri porter.

Every1 was there and they were all criing and even Draco was criing that snape was ded. Harry sed 'my hisband is ded. I lovd him much when I first even saw him. I will always love you.'

'And I will 4eva love yu 2'


	4. Finale

Ever1 gasped.

Snape was alive!

'Snappy!' Harri sed and he kised him on his face. Every1 sed 'aww'

Harri and snop kissd. Rom sed 'but then who is in the coughin Ron sed' Every1 locked in and saw Nevel Widebutt.

Ever1 cheered that it was not snope. Herpmione tuned to Hargrid. 'Hargrid will you marri then now?'

Hargrid shouted 'OK'

'Does any1 objectify them? Hargrid sed' shouted Hargrid.

'I OBJECT!' Sed Shrek busting through the chuch doors.

Every1 gapsed. Then shrek laughed his ogre laugh and it smelld liek onions. He was at the rong weding!

'Silly shrek' hermonion sed. Shrek went away.

'Wait! I object!' Sed some1 evily.

It was Darco! Ever1 was shocked. Herry was furous.

'No dracu! I don't love yu I hert my snape! And we are going to be marrid foreva and eva!'

Dracu stared criing.

'Dont worri Draco' sed snap higgin draco. 'We can odopt yu and yu can be are sun and we can be a familee'

Dracu smild. 'OK.' He sed.

'I NOW PRONOUNCE YOO HISBIND AND HISBAND. YOU MAY KIS.'

Ever1 clopped and cheered as snop and herri kisd each offer.

It was beatiful.

THE END!


End file.
